When Your Work Sucks, But Not Really...

Today I was doing my final edit on my book (so close to done with the editing!!!), and I thought to myself "This is pretty good!"

This was an odd thought to shoot into my head. For the past several days of editing, I had thoughts like "this sucks" or "should I scrap this and start over?" So, as you can imagine, it was a pleasant surprise to be satisfied and even thrilled with my writing.

I have performed in several plays in the past, and my thought process over the last week has reminded me of the acting process.

I remember, on so many different occasions, feeling like my performance was doomed to fail. I would often feel this way all the way up through the first performance. Then... the audience laughs, or claps, or sighs; and then you know that you have drawn them in. All of your self-conscious thoughts and fears dissipate, and you become just as lost in the performance as the audience is.

With writing, I have found that the apprehensions and insecurities about your work are very similar to that of performing, but multiplied by a million (maybe a little dramatic).

You see, when you are performing, you have the other actors, director, tech staff, etc... to criticize, compliment, and encourage your performance. When you are writing, it is all happening in your head. You may have a few others to spur you on, but probably not until you are finished... and... this intimate group is likely going to be prone to sugarcoat their statements.

Here are a few things that have helped me appreciate my work even when I am feeling like it sucks...

1. Don't judge your work half-way through. 
As I have learned, writing changes drastically from your first draft to your last. My book is entirely different from the original draft. I completely scrapped the beginning, changed the flow, altered the characters, reworded the conversations, and so on.

If you were performing, you wouldn't want an audience to judge your final performance based on where you were in your first read-through. Reserve your judgement for your final product.

2. Your critique is not really the one that matters.

How many actors have we heard say "I hate watching myself on screen." 

Anthony Burgess, in response to the acclaim of A Clockwork Orange, said that he wished it would not have been so well received. He truly did not feel as though it deserved such a great response, and that other stuff he wrote was much better.

Bearing that in mind, it is completely normal to feel apprehensive about your creative work. I mean, think about it. You are displaying an intimate piece of yourself in public. That is scary.

But... it is not your opinion that matters. Typically, you are always going to be your harshest critic. But, your work can and will strike others in a different way (maybe not always good, but you can't win them all). One reader may track with you all the way through, while another may get something far from what you intended. The bottom line is... the critique you should listen to is your readers'. 

3. Don't listen to your readers.
Ahhhh... see what I did there? I told you to listen to your readers, but now I am telling you not to! What could I possibly be up to?!

I will tell you.

When it comes to compliments and constructive criticism, you want to listen. But there are those bitter, jaded types who are just seeking to take the wind out of the sails of others. Why? I don't know, but they are out there. You can expect to run into them if you get your book out there whatsoever.

Listen to your fans, not your haters. I hate the word "hater", but it is relevant here. Your fans, even if they don't like your book, can give you constructive criticisms, and if they love it they will praise you.

4. Be proud of yourself.

Look... whether your book is great or absolute trash, you wrote a book. You spent days, weeks, months, and even years creating a story out of your own brain.

Not everyone can do that. And... not everyone that can do that, will do that. Not even close.

As cheesy and cliche as this may sound, you have accomplished something. Something hard. Something that takes dedication, persistence, honesty, courage, and a little delusion.

I am a strong proponent of the idea: if you want to do something, pursue it! No one can take writing away from you. No one can take performing away from you. If you love it, do it. Period.

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As long as it helps you grow, and isn't spiritually or ethically disgraceful. Period.

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And... as long as you don't make others, who are unwilling, foot the bill for your life. Unfortunately, we still have to live in the real world. Period.